We have almost made it to the end of the year and the journey has been real…..
This year has had me completely change the way I think, move, eat, and show up in my life. Most profoundly it has had me shed some deep-held and influential beliefs relating to self-perception, worthiness, and happiness.
I have realised that I am worthy of happiness and I do not have to feel guilty about being happy, nor do I need to feel unworthy of love.
I am very good at giving and making sure that others’ needs are met. I am very good at putting others’ needs before my own and I am very good at diminishing my own joy and happiness if others are not feeling that way or are having a tough time.
I am very very good at absorbing others’ energy and letting it affect my mood and behaviour. These are patterns of behaviour I learned at a very young age and have followed me throughout my life. They have influenced my relationships, my self-esteem, how I value myself, and my sense of worthiness.
Whilst they served me in the past, they no longer serve me now!
This year I have discovered that it is ok for me to stand in my happiness, to cultivate true inner joy as I do my practice and when I am teaching, this is the gift I have for my community and the world as a whole. I have learned that by responding to my body’s needs and prioritising my own self-care, it helps others. That my happiness comes from within and is completely unrelated to the circumstances going on around me and that my vulnerability, honesty, and authenticity are actually my super-power. I have discovered it is ok to accept a compliment, and that I am worthy of love and praise, and that I do not need to shrink myself, diminish or negate my impact in the face of this compliment.
You may not have known these feelings were going on under the surface — most people are very good at hiding their inner thoughts and feelings and can put on a good show of confidence. Whilst I have always been genuine and open to a fault, I would still inwardly recoil when given a compliment or go along with the defeated dialog of hardships because that is what I thought was expected if the circumstances were bad.
This is not how I want to show up now. Things may be tough on the outside, but I can still be happy on the inside as I know I have tried my best and everything else is out of my control.
So I welcome this new version of me as I move into my 49th year in this incarnation. I welcome unconditional love and radical acceptance of myself. I welcome showing up fully and completely for you and our wonderful CYS community. I welcome learning and teaching, moving and playing on the mat. I welcome all that is on offer in the many forms and lessons that will present themselves as we move forward. I welcome being the best version of myself I can be, in the good moments, in the sticky moments, and most importantly in the quiet moments of solitude and daily life.